199 Ways to Improve Your Relationships, Marriage, and Sex Life

This book contains two chapters of fun and serious quotes about love and relationships

6" x 9" Paperback $12.99

KINDLE E-book version $3.99


I hope you enjoy these humorous quotes. If you like these types of quotes, I hope you check out my book 199 Ways To Improve Your Relationships, Marriage, And Sex Life by L. B. Sommer. There are two chapters in the back of my self-help book dedicated to relationship quotes by famous people and celebrities. One chapter is full of meaningful quotes, while the second chapter is full of different humorous quotes similar to the ones on this page.

If kisses were snowflakes, I'd send you a blizzard!
Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I will give it right back.
Love never fails; but my ex sure did.
Love is like a missile, it destroys the entire life of whomever it lands on.
Photo with quote - Love at first sight is most often by a longer look.
A quote by Aristotle Onassis - If women didn't exist all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Love is grand. Divorce is one hundred (100) grand.
A Richard Lewis quote - When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
A Albertt Einstein quote - Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

The brain is the most

outstanding organ. It works

24 hours a day 365 days a year

from birth until you fall in love.


 Men only have

two faults....

What they do,

and what they say!

Or could that be backwards? You decide... 

Women only have

two faults....

What they do,

and what they say!

"I believe sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."

Steve Martin

"Forget love,

I'd rather fall in chocolate."

Sandra J. Dykes 

"Love is the answer,

but while you are waiting for the answer,

sex raises some pretty good questions."

Woody Allen

"Nobody will ever win the battles of the sexes.

There's too much fraternizing with the enemy."

Henry Kissinger

"If you want to read about love and marriage

you've got to buy two separate books."

Alan King

Love is like the measles;

we all have to go through it.

Jerome K Jerome

"Married and unmarried women waste

a lot of time feeling sorry for each other."

Myrtle Reed

"When I eventually met Mr. Right

I had no idea his first name was Always."

Rita Rudner

 "When a man steal your wife,

there is no better revenge

than to let him keep her."

Sacha Guitry


"Marriage is nature's way

of keeping people from

fighting with strangers."

Alan King


The beginning and the end

are wonderful.

But the middle part is hell.

~Enid Bagnold~

"A man in love is incomplete

until he has married

- then he's finished."

Zsa Zsa Gabor

"A successful man is one who makes

more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one

who can find such a man."

Lana Turner


Behind every great man

is a woman rolling her eyes.

Jim Carey

"Love can sometimes be magic.

But magic can sometimes

just be an illusion."


Love is the child of illusion

and the parent of disillusion.

Miguel De Unamuno

"Love is the triumph of

imagination over intelligence."

H. L. Mencken

""At the touch of love

everyone becomes a poet."


 "Love is temporary insanity

curable by marriage."

Ambrose Bierce

 "The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman."


 "One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued."

Benjamin Franklin

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