199 Ways to Improve Your Relationships, Marriage, and Sex Life

This book contains two chapters of fun and serious quotes about love and relationships

6" x 9" Paperback $12.99

KINDLE E-book version $3.99

Excerpts from L. B. Sommer's Books

Funny Signs

by L. B. Sommer 

Funny sign of a heart shaoed tornado. I just love the weather in Oklahoma. www.lollygagging.net #tornados #storms
Wouldn't it be nice if the world was flat? Then we could just push off the people  we didn't like.
Funny quote - The key to being a good leader is keeping the people who hate you away from those who are still undecided.
Funny quote - Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.
Humorous quote by Maurice Chevalier - Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative.
Humorous quote by Will Shriner - I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Hilarious quote and photo - When I die I want my tombstone to offer free wifi, so people will come visit more often.
A Funny Spike Milligan quote - All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
A hilarious definition of divorce by Robin Williams - Ah yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
A funny definition of the word budget from A. A. Latimer - Budget is the mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.
Funny sign for Pinterest addicts - I can't stop pinning. I'm such a pinhead. It's too late for me. Leave now! Save yourself!
Menstruation Menopause Mental breakdowns - Why do women try to blame men for everything?
Funny quote and sign titled It's No Secret I Love You
Humorous quote - Success is like a fart - nobody likes it, unless it's their own.
Funny photo with quote - I am a great lover because I get a lot of practice in my daydreams.
Funny sign - I sometimes wonder what normal people think about
Funny question - It's said everything happens for a reason; but could that reason be that you're are stupid and you make bad decisions?
Sign that says I sometimes go through brief periods of bloody insanity. Fortunately for the stupid people in my life, I am suffering through a long interval of painful sanity today.
funny work sign - Due to corporate cutbacks, I have done so much with so little for so long that I am now fully qualified to do anything with less than nothing.
Funny sign with question
Crazy sign that says Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking its time to get to know each one of us personally.
Humorous sign - Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but why is yours so stupid?
Funny photo titled The Concrete Cloverleaf - The National Flower of the U.S.A.
Funny sign - Many people cannot sleep because they have insomnia. I can't sleep because I have an internet connection.
Funny sign asks, Does your family put the fun in dysfunctional?
Funny photo of crazy fashion designs. Who approved these fashions? Stevie Wonder?
Funny sign. If a man talks to a woman, it is sexual harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man, why does it cost $4.29 per minute?
Funny photo - A two year old is like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Funny question - why do we say a word to the wise? Shouldn't it be a word to the stupid ones?
Funny question - If people could hear what you were thinking, wouldn't you be in a mental institution?
Funny pet sign - I am one bad relationship away from 30 cats.
A Roseanne Barr quote - My husband said he needed more space, so I locked him outside.
A funny question thought - I know when it is on and I cannot read in the dark, so why does the light switch say on and off?
Funny Nicolas Cage photo - Did you get braces? No. I am just chewing on staples.
Funny Facebook share button - Why do porn sites have a Facebook share button? Who watches and porn and thinks, 'You know who would enjoy this? My friends and family.'
Funny sign for women - Wow! That's a love shade of g4NgSTer you're wearing today.
Wow! That's a love shade of brown nose you're wearing today.
Fun sign - wow that's a lovely shade of ignorance you're wearing today
Funny compliment for women - Wow! That's a lovely shade of gothic you're wearing today.
Wow! That's a lovely shade of PMS you're wearing today.
Wow! That a lovely scent of lush you're wearing today.
Wow! That's a lovely shade of white trash you're wearing today.
Funny sign for women - Wow! That's a lovely shade of envy you're wearing today.
Humorous sign for women - Wow! That's a love shade of hoe you're wearing today.
Funny question - if you are in hell and mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
When a relationships goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
My imaginary friend thinks you have a serious problem.
How does so much gossip fit into such small minds? A Jonathan Lockwood Huie quote.
If your attitude gets any worse, it's going to be as bad as mine.
Funny virgen sign - I am virgen by choice, just not my choice.
Facebook is like jail. You sit around, waste time, have a profile picture, write on walls, and get poked by people you don't really know.
Pain is relative because it is most often caused by a relative.
Funnyphoto of a beat up Cupid - That little bitch Cupid finally got what she deserved.
Funny Johnny Depp Photo
Funny Mona Lisa photo and quote. I came into this world kicking and screaming quote

The thought behind her smiling smirk has finally been explained... 

A funny Wilson Mizner quote - the amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more.
A funny question - if a man speaks in the woods and there is no woman around to hear him. is he still wrong?
Think. Do it right the first time. Plan ahead.
Funny devilish photo - The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Funny sign about love- Sometimes I wonder if love is worth gighting for, but then I remember your face and I am ready for war.
I support recycling so I am back with my ex.
Treat her like a queen and she'll treat you like a king; treat her like a game and she'll show you how it's played.
Funny sign about sleeping - I'm in love with my bed. We're perfect for each other, but my alarm clock doesn't want us together. That Jealous whore.
Funny sign - from the first moment I laid eyes upon you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life avoiding you.
Funny love quote. Don't fall in love. Fall off a bridge, it hurts less.
Funny photo illustrating the different ways men and women think about love
Humorous quote about love. Love can move mountains
When your ex says,
Funny sign - I love you more today than yesterday. Yesterday you really pissed me off.
Funny sign that illustrates the different possible relationship statuses
Never get jealous when you see your ex with someone else, because our parents taught us to give our used toys to the less fortunate.
Funny sign = the female dictionary explains what a woman is really saying
funny sign - Single equals Stress is now gone life is easier.
Funny sign about love - I love you more than Spongebob loves jellyfishing, Sandy loves karate, Mr. Krabs loves money, and Squidward loves his clarinet. Baby I need you like Plankton needs the Krabby patty secret formula.
Funny Recipe for Love sign
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